Doll house chat log

November 13, 2011 § Leave a comment

So we have this doll house.

Me: We need to shift this doll house.
Richard: Okay. PRICE CRASH ON DOLL HOUSE! ONE DAY ONLY!

This is typical.

Me: No, I mean we should move it. At night.
Richard: What are we, cat burglars? Why do we have to move it under cover of darkness?
Me: Because if we move it at night the kids probably won’t even notice it’s gone, on account of the fact that they apparently do not know it exists. Because they haven’t played with it for AGES despite begging for a doll house for months. But if we move it during the daytime the kids will be all (folded arms, narrowed eyes) “Where do you think you’re taking the doll house, motherfuckers?”
Richard: They will not say “motherfuckers”. They do not even know that word.

Well, this is awkward.

Me: But I want my lounge room back. The doll house is in the middle of the lounge room!
Richard: It is not in the middle of the lounge room. It is up against the wall.
Me: You know, I’ve always thought of that wall as a fireplace, but whatever, expert.
Richard: It’s equivalent to a wall. It’s a wall substitute.
Me: Oh, so just because our lounge room has three doors and two couches and a television and a coffee table instead of walls, the fireplace gets ‘wall’ status?
Richard: Yes, because we haven’t used the fireplace in five years.
Me: And those were cold, cold years, I’ll have you know. I had to huddle under stuffed animals.
Richard: Those are whippets. Look, they’re over there, lying on our couch.
Me: Wishing there was a fire.

He pretends to ignore this.

Richard: Also, we have central heating. And air conditioning, which will come in handy since it is nearly Summer.
Me: But when Winter comes, I might want to sit by the fire. Just think how romantic that would be. And then I’d be all Motherfucker! There’s a doll house in front of the fire place.”
Richard: Then you won’t have to move it very far to burn it.

Asshole.

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