Rather than Approaching another woman

December 10, 2011 § Leave a comment

I found this rant stuck to a huge sculpture in Woden the other day.

I actually tried to steal it, but it wouldn’t come off. Do you have any idea how undignified it is to be scratching at the corners of a bit of paper that is glued high up in a very public place and having tiny little bits tearing off it and getting nowhere? Of course you do. This poem was written by someone who has access to very good glue. Photographic credits go to Richard, who was in the vicinity when I decided I needed a copy of it. Email log:

Me: Don’t forget to photograph my poem today. Or else I will have to do it.
Richard: k, though it will be a CIP.

Crappy iPhone Pic.

~time passes~
~phone rings~

Richard: Do you mean the big concrete thing in the square?
Me: Yes, I mean that thing, except it’s metal.
Richard: Metal?
Me: It’s silver, isn’t it?
Richard: Okay. There’s no poem.
Me: Yes there is. Look up high.
Richard: There’s just this page of typed stuff.
Me: That’s it!
Richard: It’s not a poem.

We left it there because I already felt bad about sending him to take the photograph because he stepped on a chicken the other day and injured his foot. One of those wind-up chickens that sort of hops and pecks and it is cute and hilarious for about…once. And then the rest of the time you are all “Who left that fucking chicken in the middle of the rug?”

But whatever, here it is!

Forty-six commas, in case you were wondering. Who wrote this? What does it mean? Here’s what it means:

  1. Hello, ladies. If a man asks you out, accept.  Because let’s face it.
  2. One: Macking (GOOD). Two: Lonely (BAD).
  3. Three: Lonely, plus alcoholic and schizo (TERRIBLE).
  4. Ladies. Some of you are complete sluts (GOOD), but the other half are undersexed (BAD) and one day you’ll be dead (DEAD).
  5. Don’t hook up at the pub (BAD) because the dudes there are pissed and macho and in denial (GAY). Hook up at the promenade instead. The promenade rules!
  6. Don’t laugh, assholes, you know I’m right.

In the heading, the writer vents his frustration at rejection. He allocates a capital letter to Approaching, indicating that this is an act of some significance to him. What reward does he seek? Second base, I guess. Or better. You know, whatever.

I’m not sure whether the 50% who are cowardly avoiding dating become the 90% who are sexually frustrated later on. Or are they different groups? I don’t know.

Also, the promenade thing. A promenade is “a public place for leisurely walking”. The sign is stuck to a giant sculpture in the Woden town square, which is an open area linking government buildings and shopping centre. Public servants are leisurely walking there ALL THE TIME. There is also a library, a post office and both a bus AND needle interchange just a few steps away. These are all good places to meet people.

I will stick my interpretation up next to it, in case the author wants to clarify anything.

Until then, my advice is that all Approaches made in Woden town square should be treated warily. Unless it is me asking for a leg-up so I can glue something to a sculpture.


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